I heard the best news recently. High-tech changes, it seems, are going to be slowing down.
Don’t ask me where I read it. I’ve already forgotten. Also, don’t ask me why the changes are going to be coming more slowly. I’ve forgotten that, too, although I do recall there was some kind of authoritative reasoning that sounded convincing to me. Sold!
The point is, I was elated/relieved/giddy. I spend half my life trying to resist turning into some kind of clueless, cranky fuddy-duddy. I want to keep up! I don’t want to be left behind! But good lord, does it all have to happen so quickly? So relentlessly?
Every time I check my computer or my iPad or my iPhone, they want to pounce on me with updates. Sometimes, I am simply not in the mood for updates. What’s so wrong with the way things were five minutes ago? Or yesterday? Who are they and why are they constantly pestering me to change (and reboot)?
Haven’t they ever heard of Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Carr? (Well, of course not; who has? This is why Wikipedia was invented — so rumor mongers like me wouldn’t look like total idiots.) But, anyway, Carr is the French savant who famously opined, Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose. In other words, all your updates mostly come to nothing, so why don’t you just take a nap?
I know, I know. Change is inevitable, we need to embrace it, where would we be without change, blah, blah, blah. Point well taken and all that. But can we just take a break for about a year or so so that people like me can catch up?
My daughter has told me — for years, it seems — that I need to become active on Twitter. I react sheepishly and tweet every four or five months before I become exhausted and rejoin the ranks of Twitter dropouts. What I’m secretly hoping is that the whole Twitter fad will fade and I’ll look prescient for never pursuing it in the first place.
Similarly, I continue to wait for the whole, dangerous stiletto movement to pass and am beginning to get a little impatient about being the only woman in the universe caught flatfooted on a perennial basis. So far, I don’t look prescient on this one; I only look a little short.
“High-tech changes are going to be slowing down,” I announce to my husband.
He acts disappointed — like it’s a big, horrible deal and we are all doomed to stasis and stagnation. But I happen to know (since I recently quizzed him about it) that he hasn’t added an iPhone app in ages.
I will remember that the next time he gigs me about my antediluvian habit of starting my day with two physical specimens called newspapers. Deal with it, darlin’: The more things change, the more I want The New York Times.
(Copyright 2011 by Ruth Pennebaker)
Read a heated account of why I’ll never lie about my damned age