Maybe I read too much. Maybe I take it too seriously. That occurred to me a week ago Sunday when I read the Sunday New York Times Magazine and found out two of my favorite things — sugar and sitting — are bad for you.
Oh, brother. Why don’t they just kill me and get it over with? They’re robbing me of all my little pleasures in life, one by one. I got so demoralized about the whole Sugar Situation that I finally stopped reading the article. Then I went to dinner with my friend, Donna, and she told me she’d read the whole article and it was persuasive. Even honey is bad for you, Donna said. She and I ordered a prix fixe meal that forced us to choose a dessert. We ate the berries, but couldn’t help it when a lot of sugary lemon custard got consumed, too, so I guess we are pretty much doomed.
The week passed with more scientific diatribes about sitting. Sitting! Good lord! I could have sworn sitting showed far more ambition than another of my favorite postures, which is lying. But no. Even when you exercise every day, sitting is still bad for you, they say.
Fortunately, I also read how we hopeless sitters can save ourselves by getting up and stretching and walking. That was the best news I’d read in decades. I realized that all my little trips to pour my coffee, warm my coffee, throw out my coffee, stare out windows, empty the dishwasher and visit the bathroom are quite good for me. This makes me realize that a short attention span and a small bladder — once sources of deep shame — may be something to be proud of.
Also, frequent showers. They must be good, too, since I have to walk all the way to the bathroom. I am convinced I get my very best ideas in the shower. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t, but in any event, I am always very clean.
So far, I haven’t read any uplifting news about sugar, but I’ll keep looking for it. I don’t think my argument that sugar (and carbohydrates) give meaning to my life holds scientific water, but they might make a nice sentiment for a bumper sticker. In the meantime, I have to deal with new survey news I just read that PC users — like me — are boring, traditional and like Jay Leno, instead of Jon Stewart.
Read, get depressed, then rationalize; much of my life has been spent doing that. When my first line of rationalizations fail, I move on to the second and third. I am adept at rationalizing. I will continue to sit and eat sugar, no matter what the scientists say. This will prove I am such a firebrand rebel that I won’t even take the time to try to convince you I don’t like Jay Leno, even if I do have a PC. And now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to take a shower, where it’s impossible to read.
(Copyright 2011 by Ruth Pennebaker)
Read one of my favorite posts about how to give a woman a compliment without ruining her goddamned day