Comments on: 37 Years! What Do You Know?

By: Sheryl

Sheryl — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 20:39:19 +0000

Luck or foresight…or a combination? It’s HARD to stay married, isn’t it? Congratulations on a long successful marriage.
PS. Why does the cynic in me think that the couple on the airplane were not each other’s original spouses? Shame, shame.

By: Jennifer Margulis

Jennifer Margulis — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 20:35:59 +0000

It’s wonderful that your marriage has lasted so long. I hope one day to say the same of mine (we’re coming up on our 11th anniversary so we have a ways to go!!)

By: ruthpennebaker

ruthpennebaker — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 20:05:17 +0000

Vera, great question, which I think you went on to answer yourself: The younger you are, the more questionable your judgment about who you’ll still have fun with and want to talk to decades later. You just have to be lucky.

By: Kristen J. Gough

Kristen J. Gough — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 18:10:48 +0000

It sounds like your minister could have used some relationship advice from you. Laughter would make it to the top of my list of marriage savers. Thanks for the thoughtful, fun post.

By: Vera Marie Badertscher

Vera Marie Badertscher — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 18:06:33 +0000

I think your essay is terrific, but unless I missed it, you didn’t mention friendship. Although the young, hot-blooded can’t-wait-to-be-paired-off couple aren’t thinking about it, if that person of the opposite sex is not your best friend, you’re going to be in trouble. Maybe that’s why we always say that long marriages depend on luck? Because we don’t know enough to look for the important things when we are young, and if we get them it is just blind luck.
My husband and I are about to celebrate our 50th anniversary (Whoops! gave away my age, there)

By: MarthaAndMe

MarthaAndMe — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:44:56 +0000

I once read that the key to a long marriage was to realize that people always change and to stay married, you have to change together.

By: Rona Maynard

Rona Maynard — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 17:44:29 +0000

As one long-married wife to another, thank you for this lovely post and Happy New Year to you both.

By: ruthpennebaker

ruthpennebaker — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 22:39:14 +0000

Thanks, Mei, Cindy and Robin. Winston, you’re a dream commentator.

By: Robin

Robin — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:15:31 +0000

Loved this. I think marriage is like an ongoing experiment. Sometimes its fun, sometimes its messy, sometimes the results are better than others, but a good one does keep you interested in what develops next. The gift of growing old together is priceless, as long as you can still laugh with/at and enjoy each other. Congratulations on another year, Ruth & Jamie.

By: Winston

Winston — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 19:24:11 +0000

The Real Scenes From a Marriage

In a giddy, rarefied moment, Ruth and hubby, wed many years, decide to emulate that loving, older couple they once saw sharing a crossword puzzle. They’re soon snug on the couch, puzzle folded across dual laps in a droll origami of tiles. But how to begin? Both realize neither can find a pair of reading glasses. How quaint! At first, amid playful tweaks, each begins pitching suggestions where the other might seek said accoutrements. Alas, memory fails. The specks have been lost many times. The mood steadily becomes acrid. Recriminations sear the air like sweet-nothings gone kamikaze. Suddenly, the puzzle page is rent asunder! Sharpee Markers are drawn and cocked….

Later, the couple is seen sprawled face-down together on their frayed hearth rug, hands entwined, blissfully asleep. Their bodies are ribboned with ink slashings.

Eat your heart out Ingmar Bergman.