Comments on: Thanking Your Lucky Stars

By: CindyD

CindyD — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 20:31:13 +0000

Dear Ruth,
Congratulations, you hit another one out of the ball park. I survived breast cancer and my mother died from it because of the difference in our health care insurance and the quality of our doctors. Mine were good; her’s sucked. Thank you for taking this ignorant man (the kindest thing I could think to write) to task. Anyone that self absorbed is unlikely to listen and learn but we must all continue to stand up against ignorance in this arena and so many more. My favorite cartoonist Stephan Pastis (Pearls Before Swine) has a “box o’morons” that often appears in his strip. I think he needs to draw a bigger box.

By: g

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 17:16:52 +0000

I read the first page of the piece until he wrote “But one day my luck ran short. I learned my wife Annie had a deadly form of cancer which she was unlikely to survive.”
That’s right. HIS luck ran out when SHE got cancer. Jerk.

By: Anne Gibert

Anne Gibert — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 18:12:27 +0000

So well said. I think it all boils down to this peculiar notion that people have that they are in control. If they are well it’s because they lived right. If they are rich it’s because they are hard working and deserving. If people are poor or sick its because they are lazy or have a bad attitude.

By: Steve

Steve — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 15:16:19 +0000

Let the congregation say again, “Amen!”

By: Duchess

Duchess — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 20:45:42 +0000

So well said, Ruth, and your tributes to your friends who died was very moving.

Part of the problem is the words we use for cancer: it’s aggressive and invasive. We fight against it; our friends and loved ones die after a long struggle. Inevitably, I suppose, our metaphors teach us that anyone who prevails in the struggle must be unusually strong. On the whole we don’t like to admit that we live or die by luck.

But do not fall into the same trap on the other side: those who died were not “better people” than you who survived any more than those who lived.

By: Susan

Susan — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:42:33 +0000

I agree – attitude only gets you so far. But, to play devil’s advocate, I do admire a guy who would describe his wife as “Lance Armstrong in skirts.” Maybe he got a little carried away in his love, respect, and adoration for his wife, but every patient deserves a spouse who believes in them that much.

By: Paula

Paula — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:14:37 +0000

Another vote for submitting this to the Daily Beast. I don’t agree with every columnist they print, but most are quality writers, as you are. They could use your voice there.

By: Melanie Haiken

Melanie Haiken — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 07:54:51 +0000

I LOVE this piece, Ruth. I’ve actually written on the same subject in my role at Caring.com; I wrote a piece on 10 things not to say to someone with cancer that talked about not saying things that make someone feel as if they just “think positive” or visualize the cancer vanishing, or some other hooey, they can beat the cancer. Making someone feel as if their cancer’s progression is their fault is just adding insult to injury.

By: Cancer Bitch

Cancer Bitch — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 06:54:50 +0000

Hi Ruth,
Thanks so much for emailing me about this. You did a good thing and inspired me to be bitchier. See my take on it on my blog. Good point above about him writing only about himself.

By: Lee Pugh

Lee Pugh — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 06:22:39 +0000

Thank you for tackling this subject head on with such a well-written article. LSP