I’m so sorry to hear about the loss …

by admin on August 22, 2014 · 27 comments

Comment posted on Thoughts on my Father by Jennifer Margulis

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. My thoughts (and love) are with you Ruth.

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1 Cynthia May 17, 2010 at 8:54 am

I’m so sorry for your loss.  My father died with Alzheimer’s about a year ago.  I know exactly what you mean about wondering where he was.  It amazed me that he could not know who I was – his daughter.  My sympathies, Ruth.

2 debbie May 17, 2010 at 9:07 am

Ruth, I’m so sorry for your loss. What a moving tribute to your dad.

3 Joyce May 17, 2010 at 9:21 am

Thinking of you, Ruth. I had the exact same reaction when my own dad died nearly 9 years ago…my husband’s words were just incomprehensible. It’s been a long goodbye, I know, but that makes this no easier. You did all you could. You loved each other. That’s all that matters.

4 Paula May 17, 2010 at 10:03 am

Ruth, I’m sorry for your loss too, and that the worst loss occurred years ago. From your writing, I know you know how to mourn. My condolences to you and your family.

5 Tessa May 17, 2010 at 10:08 am

My deepest sympathies to you and your sister, Ruth. From what you’ve written of your father on various occasions, I have the impression that he was as emotionally closed off as mine was. When my Dad died, both my younger sister and I agreed that we had no idea whether or not he loved us. Believe your sister when she says your father did love you. Like so many men of his generation, he just didn’t know how to say or show it.

6 Ellen May 17, 2010 at 10:54 am

Listen to Tessa.  I know I am right.

7 Cindy A May 17, 2010 at 11:13 am

We are facing Alzheimer’s in our own family, and my hope is the same as yours, Ruth.  May his soul be whole once again, wherever he has gone.  And may you find comfort and peace in knowing that you are the kind of person that any father could be proud of.

8 Kate May 17, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Well Ruth, I am in tears….what a moving post. Very powerful the way you’ve gone through the points; 1,2,3 and on. The loss of a loved one is a surreal experience and the thoughts that come are insightful, poignant, and beautiful. So beautiful that I will read this post over again as I prepare for the deaths of my two elderly parents.
I’m sorry for your loss. May your Dad know peace and may you carry the happy memories forward.

9 Winston May 17, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Sorry for your loss.  Your status has been altered.  My father died on a Saturday too.  He was 55.  He and Mom had lunch.  He got up to go fetch the dry cleaning.  He got as far as the front door, sat down in a wing chair nearby, and slumped over.  Gone.  I was 22.  Mom died at 70.  I was 38 by then.  No matter my age or what course my own life was on, it suddenly hit me– I’m an orphan.  Suddenly I’m it.  No parental generation to ask questions of or ever fall back on if need be.  How good of your children to remind you emphatically, “We’re adults.  You can lean on us.”  The timeline has suddenly, irrevocably jumped.  You are your parents.  Your children are you.  The next intersection on Highway Life has just been crossed.

10 Brigindo May 17, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Deepest sympathies.  As others have said it was a very moving post.  My paternal grandmother (who was like a mother to me) had Alzheimer’s, from age 85 to her death at 93.  We lost her little by little and yes what you say about messing with your concept of a soul is so true.  One of my biggest fears is to disappear the way she did.

11 Paul May 17, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Bruce and I do this song.  It is the only thing I can think of for now.


12 Linda Unger May 17, 2010 at 5:20 pm

Ruth, I’m so sorry to hear this news. What a lovely tribute. Having gone through the arrangements for both my parents, I understand your frustration and the difficulty of dealing with those details at this time.  My heart is breaking for you and yours. Your father was so fortunate to have a daughter like you.       Love

13 Sheryl May 17, 2010 at 7:59 pm

Ruth – I’m so sorry about your dad. You’ve expressed your feelings so beautifully here. Your father was lucky to have you as his daughter and I’m sure he loved you deeply but was just unable to show it, as so many men of that generation were.

14 Craig May 17, 2010 at 8:10 pm

Your dad came up in our supper conversations.
My dad loved to talk work at the table no matter
we did not know who he was talking about- he just talked.
“That Bum Cowden, he’s a smart man” though I think
he was just confusing smart with wealthy.
“Now Speedy Reynolds, you can count on him.”
For months I thought your dad some noble Irishman,
“Hiburney” sounded to me a west texas try at Hibernia.
But eventually we came to understand there was a man
named Hi Burney as in “that Hi Burney, he’s a good man.”
Now I can say lots of things about my dad and I did.
Some of them I am ashamed of.
But this I know:
He was a good judge of one’s character.
If he said Hi Burney was a good man, then
there it is.

15 Almost Slowfood May 18, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Oh Ruth, I wish I could say more than I’m sorry for you and your family. The way you write, I feel like I got it all from every direction in just 1500 words. Even in sadness, you write wonderfully well and communicate it all.

16 Marie Pechet May 18, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Ruth, I am so sorry for your loss. I love your tribute to your father, and, your last paragraph tells what an amazing man he was, and he achieved what most of us want. And through this, he continues to touch and impact others. Thank you for sharing it. Marie

17 lori May 19, 2010 at 9:06 am

Ruth – I’m so very sorry that you lost your dad. I think no matter what our relationships are with our parents, the ground kind of drops away when they die. And no matter how much warning we have that it’s coming, it’s always a surprise. Even if the death itself is not a surprise, our reaction to it is. I wish you all the comfort you need.

18 Steve May 19, 2010 at 9:22 am

What a blessing that your dad was finally able to escape the prison of Alzheimer’s.  Free at last! 

Fathers are SO important; I just spent four days with 42 incarcerated men, and almost every one of them lacked a positive relationship with either a biological father or a father figure.  I know your dad only through your stories, but I’ve no doubt that you loved each other. 

This is hard duty.  You are in my prayers.  Consider yourself hugged.

19 Alexandra May 19, 2010 at 12:00 pm

So sorry to hear about your loss, Ruth. This post almost made me cry, bringing back the loss of my own parents, 10 and 3 years ago.  They still pop into my mind from time to time.  Missing them never goes away.

20 Roxanne May 19, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Oh, man! Ruth, I am so sorry to hear the news. I’ll keep you in my heart. No way around it … grief is a bitch!

21 Kerry Dexter May 19, 2010 at 12:03 pm

that’s a lovely photograph of your dad. I can see the good things about him shining through. thank you for sharing it.
thinking of you,

22 Kris Bordessa May 19, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Ruth, I’m so sad to read this, but I’m glad that you shared it. Relationships with our parents can be so tumultuous, but in the end, they do love us. A friend of mine who lost her parents at a very young age always says that the world is an entirely different place without your parents in it. I think you’ll be happy to be able to reread this someday.

23 sarah henry May 19, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Ruth, even in the midst of grief and loss, you write a witty, heart-felt post sans sugar-coating. You’re in my thoughts.

24 Duchess May 19, 2010 at 4:53 pm

Yes, listen to Tessa and to your sister.   And to your kids, and leand on them.
I am sorry for your loss, and thinking of you.

25 Meredith May 19, 2010 at 9:08 pm

Oh Ruth. This post is amazing. So amazing it is that it could be read from beginning to end–or end to beginning. Which is exactly what grief and shock are like. Everything seems off, wrong, mixed up. Thinking of you and sending love.

26 Jennifer Margulis May 20, 2010 at 12:40 am

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. My thoughts (and love) are with you Ruth.

27 Barbara Weibel June 15, 2010 at 2:29 am

Ruth: So very sorry to read about your Dad. My Dad is the same as your was – unable to express his feelings, but I’ve come to accept that he loved me in the only way he could. Now the most important person is you. Be kind to yourself. Your Dad would want it that way. Sending you my love.

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