Comments on: The Day After Father’s Day http://www.geezersisters.com/aging/the-day-after-fathers-day Austin, Texas novelist Ruth Pennebaker, who's old enough to call herself "fabulous," writes about family, politics, marriage, friendship, feminism, aging and whatever else occurs to her. Her latest novel, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakthrough, was published by Berkley in January 2011. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 01:24:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Susan Johnston http://www.geezersisters.com/aging/the-day-after-fathers-day/comment-page-1#comment-4535 Susan Johnston Sat, 27 Jun 2009 14:30:25 +0000 http://www.geezersisters.com/?p=1445#comment-4535 Very poignant post! My father had a degenerative neurological disorder that is a little like Alzheimer's, but he lost his ability to walk or feed himself even as his brain remained alert. It must have been demoralizing for someone who was once so active and articulate (he was a doctor who diagnosed himself long before his neurologist did) to be involuntarily drooling and slurring his words, but he never complained. He died last fall, so Father's Day was bittersweet for me, too. Very poignant post! My father had a degenerative neurological disorder that is a little like Alzheimer’s, but he lost his ability to walk or feed himself even as his brain remained alert. It must have been demoralizing for someone who was once so active and articulate (he was a doctor who diagnosed himself long before his neurologist did) to be involuntarily drooling and slurring his words, but he never complained. He died last fall, so Father’s Day was bittersweet for me, too.

]]> By: ruthpennebaker http://www.geezersisters.com/aging/the-day-after-fathers-day/comment-page-1#comment-4526 ruthpennebaker Thu, 25 Jun 2009 02:33:26 +0000 http://www.geezersisters.com/?p=1445#comment-4526 <p>Thank you all.  It's just such a tough business that never seems to end.</p> Thank you all.  It’s just such a tough business that never seems to end.

]]> By: Duchess http://www.geezersisters.com/aging/the-day-after-fathers-day/comment-page-1#comment-4524 Duchess Wed, 24 Jun 2009 21:00:07 +0000 http://www.geezersisters.com/?p=1445#comment-4524 I imagine not being recognized must be very hard. And the conflict between wanting to be dutiful -- and to do what's right -- and wondering what's the point if he doesn't even know who you are, let alone the duty you owe. But perhaps he gets some distant pleasure, and though you say you feel bad when you don't go and bad when you do, I expect the not going feeling bad is worse. Dementia robs people of so much that makes them human and almost all of what made them particular humans. Everyone loves Ricky and Lucy! But as long as you visit, at least your father is still a man with a daughter. I imagine not being recognized must be very hard. And the conflict between wanting to be dutiful — and to do what’s right — and wondering what’s the point if he doesn’t even know who you are, let alone the duty you owe. But perhaps he gets some distant pleasure, and though you say you feel bad when you don’t go and bad when you do, I expect the not going feeling bad is worse.

Dementia robs people of so much that makes them human and almost all of what made them particular humans. Everyone loves Ricky and Lucy! But as long as you visit, at least your father is still a man with a daughter.

]]> By: Julie http://www.geezersisters.com/aging/the-day-after-fathers-day/comment-page-1#comment-4522 Julie Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:17:40 +0000 http://www.geezersisters.com/?p=1445#comment-4522 Ruth, this is so powerful and compassionate.  It touches me deeply in many ways that are difficult to express.   You say it all.  Thank you for sharing. Ruth, this is so powerful and compassionate.  It touches me deeply in many ways that are difficult to express.   You say it all.  Thank you for sharing.

]]> By: Anne Gibert http://www.geezersisters.com/aging/the-day-after-fathers-day/comment-page-1#comment-4519 Anne Gibert Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:32:10 +0000 http://www.geezersisters.com/?p=1445#comment-4519 My mother went through the same thing, except that she died before she got such advanced dementia. She always recognized the people who came to see her, and she always begged me to take her out of the place where she was living. That was really hard, but I couldn't manage her at home. Dementia generates so much guilt. To my knowledge, nobody studies how to make life more interesting for those people dying slowly with it. The answer cannot be Lucy and Ricky. My mother went through the same thing, except that she died before she got such advanced dementia. She always recognized the people who came to see her, and she always begged me to take her out of the place where she was living. That was really hard, but I couldn’t manage her at home. Dementia generates so much guilt. To my knowledge, nobody studies how to make life more interesting for those people dying slowly with it. The answer cannot be Lucy and Ricky.

]]> By: Craig http://www.geezersisters.com/aging/the-day-after-fathers-day/comment-page-1#comment-4515 Craig Tue, 23 Jun 2009 03:39:19 +0000 http://www.geezersisters.com/?p=1445#comment-4515 In these situations you lose the safety of black/white answers.We just muddle through.Thanks for sharing this Ruth In these situations you lose the safety of black/white answers.We just muddle through.Thanks for sharing this Ruth

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